How My Mental Illness, Not Only Destroyed Me, but Made Me Stronger In The End….

Millions live with mental illnesses, but not many of them get the help they need. We live in a generation where there’s a huge stigma against mental illness. People are afraid of coming out and talking about because there are people out in the world that will talk down to them and say they are crazy and that the world doesn’t need them. One thing people don’t understand about mental illnesses is that it includes eating disorders and drugs, as well as, bipolar disorder, depression, ADD, etc..
I was diagnosed with BD when I was 18 years old and it was during my freshman year of college. But before that, they just thought I was dealing with depression and gave me Prozac, which almost killed me. I ended up going through rapid changes of moods and my eating disorder, self-harming, and self-medicating got worse. I was going down a dark and dangerous path to almost no return. I didn’t know what to do and while having a panic attack I ended up taking a handful of pills. I honestly was not trying to kill myself, I was just sick and tired of everything. I wanted to rest and sleep and be at peace for a while. Anyways, I woke up with police and the ambulance on their way to my dorm.
I ended up falling asleep on the way to the hospital and when I woke up, I was told that my heartbeat was almost 200 beats/minute. That is very dangerous. The doctor and my friend told me they were shocked that I was still awake and that none of my organs were damaged. I was then 302’d. During that time I spent within the hospital, I learned a lot about my mental illnesses and I learned how to try and cope with my addictions. I got out of the hospital and I was extremely worried about finals that I had to get done. Luckily, I did pass all my classes for the semester.
I would be lying if I said it was easy to get to where I am today. It took a year after I got out of the hospital for the second time, in order, to get completely sober from everything that was harmful. I turned to boxing and working out a lot to deal with anger issues. I kept on writing and got really into playing guitar/piano and singing, to be able to get my feelings out in a healthy and not harmful way.
Before getting officially diagnosed, I thought I was crazy. I honestly didn’t know what was happening to me or what I was going though. I would write over 10 songs/poems a night, I would stay awake for days at a time until I just crashed, I would throw up so many times until there was blood coming out. I was so emotionally wrecked and destroyed and I was completely terrified and I honestly was not at all trying to kill myself, but I did know that if I cut too deep or took too many pills then I wouldn’t have cared. It’s completely scary to think that I have been dealing with suicidal thoughts since I was 4 or 5. I have thought I was fat since I was 3/4/5. No one that young should think that way, but I did and there are so many people out there dealing with these issues. They think no one cares or that they have no one, but they do.
Everyone has a different path. A different road. Something that once destroys you can make you stronger than others who used to talk down to you, which I will talk about when I am truly ready to talk about. I am happier and can’t wait to see where my life is going.
If you ever need someone to talk to then you can talk to me. My email is thedreamymoonstoneblog@gmail.com and my instagram is @thedreamymoonstoneblog

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s