I’ve never been in a great relationship. There was always troubles and why I kept with picking these types of guys that didn’t treat me well was because that’s what I thought I deserved. I didn’t think I deserved true love, but I realized years later that everyone deserves to have someone that they love and that will treat them like a Queen/King. No one deserves abuse. No one deserves hateful words. Everyone deserves to be treated like they are a person and not less than anyone else. But with every relationship I’ve been in , I learned one or more things while in that relationship.
Here are some of the best lessons I learned:
Never change yourself for anyone because in the process you will lose a part of you…
– Most girls or even guys will change themselves to fit what their partner wants them to be. It happens, sometimes without even us noticing. I have changed and after the relationship was over, I wanted to destroy everything that I changed about myself to be what this guy wanted. In the process, I realized that I had no clue who I was because I’ve changed so many times and I truly lost part of myself. That is one of the scariest things that can happen. Not knowing who you are is losing your identity. I was very insecure and thought this guy was so perfect. In reality, he was started being very manipulating and abusive, so of course, I was terrified. How I thought of it was that my friends didn’t like me for me, so I started changing myself to make myself what everyone else wanted. I not only lost myself for sometime, I ended up losing close friends because they couldn’t take me trying to be everything to everyone. I was this ‘yes girl’ and not at all confident. I now know that if someone does not like me for who I am then they don’t deserve me in their life. It was a long road in order to finally realize that, but now I know who I am. I found my identity again and you can too! Changing for anyone… Is overrated.
Changing for a guy (overrated). Living in a lie (It’s overrated). Always asking why (so overrated). Oh, oh… The mirror is shattered, I’m finally free… ~ Overrated (2009) by Ashley Tisdale
You don’t deserve anything, but the best. You deserve a man or woman who will treat you like a Queen/King.
– No one deserves any type of abuse: physical, mental, emotional, sexual, or verbal. In two different relationship: the first one was only everything except sexual abuse, but the second one was every single one of those abuses, I listed above. I was scared, terrified, and it made me feel, like I was a nothing and worthless. I just thought that’s what I deserved and I deserved nothing better. How I was thinking, was that at least it wasn’t anyone else. I hid it all too. No one knew or realized. There were so many signs like, me flinching away from people, me stuttering, me being very slow/paranoid, me isolating myself, etc. No one noticed, so I thought that I was not important enough for them to realize me doing all these things. I was terrified I was going to die; I was afraid that they would end up killing me. So I stayed quiet and just tried to get through it all and make it out alive. It took 5 years to finally be freed from all the abuse, I was dealing with. I now know that I should never let a man or anyone touch me in a way that is inappropriate. A man who lays their hands on a woman, that is anything other than loving, they no longer can be called a man. If you are dealing with an abusive relationship and have no one to talk to then I am here for you. Contact me anytime and I will get back to you as soon as I can.
Whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. When you’re free your true creativity, your true self, comes out ~ Tina Turner
Life goes on with or without them… You are worthy of life…
– Anyone who has been in love or at least thought they were in love, you would have done about anything for them. You just cannot see life without them. When you breakup, you end up feeling a sense of lost. By falling in love that deeply and strongly, it can destroy you as a person. That is why one should not ever and I mean EVER depend so much on someone else that you would risk your life for them. That you would attempt/think about suicide then ever seeing your life without them in it. I’ve been through this and let me tell you: life still goes on. You might be very, very upset at the moment, but it does get easier. I’ve cried in my bed for weeks and just isolated myself from everyone. I soon realized that I am still here. I am still alive. This person should not dictate what I do next in my life. Even if you have to fake it fora little while then do just that, but soon that faking turns into the real thing. You start feeling happier when you surround yourself with those who really love and care for you. Go out and just enjoy life. You are ARE worthy of life with or without the one you ‘love.’ Someone better will come along and fill in the hole that you feel like you have in your heart. It might not be today or tomorrow, but it will be someday in the future. Remember being addicted to someone toxic is just as bad for you as being addicted to anything else.
10 months sober, I must admit just because you’re clean don’t mean you don’t miss it. 10 months older, I won’t give in. Now that I’m clean, I’m never gonna risk it ~ Clean (1989 Album from 2014) by Taylor Swift
Don’t feel like you are obligated to stay with them!
– At some points of a certain toxic relationship, I felt like I was obligated and had to stay with them. Maybe it was because I didn’t think I deserved someone better? Maybe it was because I was ‘in love?’ Maybe it was because everyone has always hurt me, so why try anymore? I don’t know why I did feel like I had to stay with them, no matter what this person did, I made excuses for him and still stayed with him. Looking back, I laugh at at how far away that person/that girl is from the woman I am today. Know that you do not have to stay with anyone, at all! It doesn’t matter what your reason is, but if you don’t feel love or a connection, then why stay anymore? You really don’t need anyone, but yourself to depend on in this world. It might be hard and difficult, but I promise it gets easier.
Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering, which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore ~ Lady Gaga
You can’t save someone, they have to save themselves.
– I am someone who wants to help people. And I thought I could save this guy, who was abusive and was into drugs. I thought that maybe I could be the one to save him. I thought about the times that we had before when I was 11 and how he has helped me through so much. When my best friend died, he was so caring and there for me through it all, so I thought that maybe he’d change for me. One thing I realized is that you can’t change someone, if they do not want to be changed. If they don’t want your help then you cannot force it upon them. Sometimes love isn’t enough to want the person to change. It is a hard concept to understand and fully realize. It’s difficult, but in the end, the best thing to do is to just leave. If you stay then things can get worse and something truly bad can happen to you. I should know. Recovery is a choice and if they don’t want it or they are not ready then they will just go back into their old routines/relapse sooner or later.
What we want for others doesn’t work unless they want it for themselves ~ Bryant Mcgrill
If there’s no trust then there is no relationship.
– Trust is a key element in a relationship. Without it, you don’t have one. If you cannot trust the other person, then why are you still with them? Why do you keep acting paranoid and most likely fighting? Why? I have been in this situation multiple times, but now I know to not take any shit from anyone that I get into a relationship with. If you suspect them doing something, like cheating, then most likely they probably are. And if you even thought about it, not once but multiple times, then why are you still there? Why not breakup and move on with someone you can actually trust. With no trust there comes no communication and then you have no relationship, at that point. If there is absolutely no trust, then move the hell on.
Without communication, there is no relationship. Without respect, there is no love. Without trust, there is no reason to continue ~ Unknown
Don’t feel like you have to have sex with them!
– Don’t ever feel like you have to have sex with someone, in order for them to stay with you. If you do then you will regret it. If that person truly loves you then they will wait until you are 100% ready. Don’t try and be like everyone else. If you aren’t ready then say no… Don’t let them manipulate you into doing it… Don’t try and be like everyone else… Just be you! If that’s not good enough then that person is not the right person for you and one day you will find the one who will treat you like a Queen/King.
I like you. I don’t ask you to reciprocate the feeling. All I ask you is to respect what I feel. Because falling for you was never something I planned ~ Unknown